Looking at Martina Bonoan now, at first glance you might think she is living a happy and carefree life but behind those warm smile is a troubled past that step by step, she is moving forward and speaking up to voice out her experience.
As a young girl, she lived in a family in which abuse was a constant part of life. She was what we call one of the silent victims of domestic violence — an innocent child who experienced horrors as her mother became the victim of years of domestic and mental abuse.
Martina shared the purported domestic violence that her mother, Ina Bonoan, endured from her father, Noel Bonoan who is a former Finance undersecretary and Chief Operating Officer of KPMG Philippines and was elected president of the Management Association of the Philippines (MAP) last year (2024) but withdrew after the said allegations of domestic abuse surfaced.
"I was witness to my father's physical abuse when I was 6 years when I saw him throw my mother against the bathroom wall, my mother sliding down into the bathtub. Years later I saw the injuries she had sustained after he senselessly beater her 1 night - A blackened jaw, bruised arms and shoulders and fingers tinged purple as she had been thrown on the floor."
"While I understand that this may be difficult to hear, especially for those close to him, it is important to remind ourselves that abuse is not at all a private matter. Calling the events of the abuse "private" only serves to dim the light that survivors work so hard to ignite." Martina Bonoan said. "I would also like to address all victim-survivors affected by VAWC, never forget that your pain is real, it is not your fault. Stand tall and speak out."
When people hear stories like hers, many ask, “Why didn’t her mother just leave?” It’s not that simple. As a mother, she was completely responsible for her children’s well-being. Where could she possibly go that would be safe from her abuser? He knows where her friends and relatives live. And even if she had a place to go, could she support the family? Domestic abuse is about control, and one of the first things many abusers do is take complete control of a family’s finances. Often, the woman doesn’t even know where the family’s money can be found.
Martina added that she was even deprived of her college tuition and allowance even though they live in the same roof. They barely talk to each other and it's been two years since her last conversation with her father, and it was not a good memory at all.
Because of finacial burden, they need to drop their VAWC case against her father but the annulment case is still ongoing.
Another hurdle women who are being abused frequently face just like what Martina and her mom exeprience: their friends and families don’t believe them. They accuse the women of lying or exaggerating. Or they suggest that maybe they just need to do a better job of being a wife or a daughter, even the society thinks that coming out would sacrifice their own name if they are known families bearing the father's name.
Many stay because it’s the only way they can provide stability for their children. So they endure the abuse and hope the children will survive. Physically, they probably will (although the potential for child abuse is much higher in homes with domestic violence), but what about the psychological damage?
The Philippine Statistics Authority reports that 25% of Filipino women between the ages of 15 and 49 have encountered domestic violence. However, a significant number of these incidents remain unreported, primarily due to fear, societal stigma, and insufficient institutional support.
This is what Martina, other victims and survivors of Violence against Women and Children experience everyday.
With the help of The Zero VAWC Alliance and other NGOs, they can find a support group on starting a new life if they can just speak up and ask for help.
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